Saturday, January 12, 2013

Advice For Husbands

I am not, by any means, an expert on marriage or relationships with women. But I believe I have an above average understanding of them and "what makes them tick". Now like all men past, present, and future, total understanding of the fairer sex will always be elusive to me. This is especially true when it comes to marriage. 

The fact that divorce has become as common in our culture as going out to get the mail is evidence that marriage is not easy. 

I am not, by far, the perfect husband. However, I do know what has worked for me in the relationship with the "Love of My Life" over the last 15 years. And I have gotten into the habit of cultivating those attitudes and behaviors to help make my marriage work. 

One of my favorite comedians, Jeff Allen, builds his comedy around the saying: Happy Wife, Happy Life. While that phrase in those words have a lot of merit they really don't give the details of just how it transcends to the act of marriage.

I'm not going to expound in great detail on what I'm about to write in this post. I want to leave room in a face-to-face discussion with anyone who may want to know more. 

First of all, I can't improve on the words of the Bible written by the Apostle Paul to the Ephesian church but directed to husbands. He told them to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. 

But, here's my take on the Jeff Allen mantra. It's my best basic advice for any man who wants to be a good husband.  

Celebrate your wife's strengths, foster her passions and protect her weaknesses. 

When following this remember to think emotional first and physical, second. Women are so much more emotionally based creatures than men. Understanding that will be key to implementing these three guidelines in your effort to be a better husband. 

So after claiming not to be an expert in marriage twice in this post I guess I've kind of thrown myself out there as "specialist" (that's a military word meaning someone who is trained at a specific task).

But everything I know about marriage I've learned. A lot of it is experience but most of it is from reading and watching. I encourage you to learn as much as you can about ways to cultivate your marriage. 

Now let me play to your natural self interest. Loving your wife and serving her in ways that show it is not without benefit for you. It's a two sided coin. Please your wife and you'll get your reward. But that shouldn't be your main motivation. Your main motivation should be your love for her. But take it from me, the secondary benefits are great. 

So there you have my advice for husbands. Take it for what it's worth to you. But I can tell you from experience it makes for an adventure that's part of what makes life a blessing. 

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